All of us on Earth have been given a time. When our time is up (barring any falling grand piano or impalement from a Javelin during a track meet), there’s no way around that. Kinda seems like an EV, right? When the battery’s dead, you ain’t goin’ nowhere (to paraphrase Dylan) though, to its credit, an EV battery can be recharged.
So if you have a distaste for irony while alive, you probably wouldn’t be thrilled to have your last ride in the Etive, a new hearse and limousine series based on the Ford Mach-E. Built by Coleman Milne. Britain’s leading coachbuilder of hearses and limousines, the Etive (named after a river in the West Scottish Highlands) features the latest in electric vehicle technology combined with “Coleman Milne’s renowned standards of quality.” It’s also the company’s first zero-emissions hearse and limousine pairing.
“We have long championed the electric hearse at Coleman Milne,” says Graham Clow, National Sales Director at Coleman Milne, “and we’re proud to welcome the Etive hearse and limousine as the latest additions to our range. The excellent, longstanding relationship that we have with Ford enabled us to model the range on its Mach-E platform. The Mach-E is the perfect base for a comfortable, quiet and respectful hearse and limousine, while also providing funeral directors with all the benefits and innovations found in today’s electric vehicles.”
Coleman Milne will build the Etive in both left-and right-hand drive configurations for both the U.K. and European markets. The coachbuilder claims the Etive “provides everything an operator would expect from a full-size hearse” including noiseless operation, a flat, full-size deck with ample space for a dead body and personal tributes, glass roof, and three full-size bearer seats with full seatbelts. If you want a full privacy glass between you and the deceased, you can have that too.
Of course, since it’s a coachbuilt vehicle, the Etive can be tailored for your particular requirements (provided you’re not the dead one), such as power tailgate, sliding deck and illuminated signage, among other nifty features. One requirement you won’t need to worry about is headroom, as the Etive has approximately 4.5 inches of additional space. Coleman Milne claims the Etive can carry several passengers plus the driver, though no mention is made whether that includes dead passengers.
Power comes from a 75kWh battery that offers a range up to 200 miles (compare that to 273 for a conventional Mach-E). If the hearse dies, it will take a 38-minute recharge to achieve between 10-80% capacity. What percentage you get with a recharge may be a simple case of fate.
So as to ensure there are no other dead bodies other than the one being carried, Ford has equipped the Mach-E and, hence, the Etive with Advanced Driver-Assistance Systems. You get such features as Lane Departure Warning, Lane Keep Aid and Pre-Collision. Maybe the stiff out back would still be alive if s)he had those features in his/her car?
The Etive joins a lineup that includes a plug-in hybrid version of the Mercedes E-Class and the Whisper hearse, a funeral car based on the Tesla Model S platform built in conjunction with Binz International.